Shit Men Say Issue 11

  1. “After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind.

    Thank you for all the wonderful imaginary memories! You will always have a special place in my heart.

    Your ex-hubby,

    You can keep the dog and Spice Girls CDs, and I will keep the house in Hawaii and the Ferrari =)” –I think not!

  2. “Send me some sexy photos”
  3. “hey m interested in u”
  4. “Let me say this… I am professional 43 year old white guy! Not a freak! I love eating a kitty! And I am very good at it! I love to pleasure a woman with no strings attached! Yes I will share pictures of me and answer any questions…” –is he a professional eater or a professional white guy or…really confused.
  5. “Hey, I just wanted to say hello. Recently moved back to Ga and don’t know anyone that would like to hang out, do some random shit whenever we think something up, and fun easy and drama free. Oh.and probably have you naked and sweaty being pounded against the wall or face down with a hand full of your hair as I just slam into over and over. So if you think you would like some road trips, having somebody to drag to that shit movie you want to see, and getting plenty of great sex just let me know and I will get right on it.”
  6. “Funny, sarcastic, eccentric, sexy, AND Thicc?! Damn you’re the total package. What do you like to do for fun? Got any hobbies or things you obsessing over?”
  7. “Do you Like it hard ?”
  8. “I also love to eat ass. Let me know.” –Also? Was there a first message?
  9. ” Omg wow! how are you? Happy Monday. Did you have a good weekend? I would love to talk, write me back if you’re interested” –if Chihuahuas could talk.
  10. “I can’t help you with the void you feel. Goodnight and good luck” –it must be realllllllly small.

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